14 days of resilience – Tips to boost mental resilience

For 14 days in November we shared #14daysofresilience tips every day on social media. Put together by chartered psychologist Dr Beverly Taylor, these tips were put together to boost your mental resilience as we approach this busy season.

 

  1. Be kind to yourself
  2. Pay attention to your thoughts and your language
  3. Open your mind
  4. Get moving each and every day
  5. Get grateful
  6. Feed your body with good nutrition
  7. Become mindful
  8. Call out your negative ‘Nelly’
  9. Say No!
  10. Create a meditation habit that works for you
  11. Love yourself with self-care
  12. Get some support
  13. Tune into your emotions
  14. Focus on your goals

Tip #1 – Be kind to yourself

Being kind and compassionate to yourself, is really important when working on your mental resilience. Think of it like starting any major change in life – a new job, a new diet, or starting a new exercise regime. There will be challenges, times when it feels hard, or you get off track but that doesn’t mean you have failed. It just means that you are human! Focus on giving yourself the same kindness and understanding you would to a best friend. When we are more compassionate with ourselves, we have less negative self-talk, and we are more able to recover from any difficulties or setbacks. This helps to keep us motivated and mentally strong.

So today, I want you to focus on being kind to yourself – praise yourself, notice something nice about yourself – just like you would your best friend.

Tip #2 – Pay attention to your thoughts and your language

Have you ever tuned into your thoughts or focused on the language you use in everyday life? I try to do this every week or so and I am often shocked by what I hear. When I had very young children, I was often tired as most new parents are. But one day I happened to tune into my thoughts and found I had been repeating the words ‘I am tired’, ‘I am exhausted’, ‘I just need some decent sleep’ in my head over and over again, all day! No wonder I was tired. Once I spotted it, I spent the rest of the day repeating things like ‘I am feeling so energetic today’, ‘I have so much energy’, ‘I feel great’ and I it took the edge of the tired, fuzzy, foggy feeling. It’s important to try and tune into our thoughts as often as we can, as they often dictate how we feel and then what we do as a result of how we feel.

Your challenge for today is to pay close attention to those thoughts and the language you use and see if it’s helping you build your mental resilience or if it is holding you back.

 Tip #3 – Open your mind

Embracing an open mind or focusing on a growth mindset means you see challenges as opportunities to learn rather than seeing them as negative things to avoid. So, again, we can often spot this in our language – when we say things like ‘I can’t’, or ‘I find it really hard to’ or ‘I’ve never been good at’. If we stop ourselves and focus on switching our language to things like ‘I can learn’ or I am able to develop this skill’ it can help to move our focus from what we currently can’t do to how we can progress. This also helps us to bounce back from setbacks and helps us to see that mistakes and ‘failure’ are part of growth.

Today’s task is to flip the switch on your ‘can not’s’ and make them into ‘I can’s’ or ‘I can learns’.

 Tip #4 – Get moving each and every day

Our mind and body are not separate, they are deeply intertwined as is our physical and mental health. Our body is also designed to move – whether that is by a formal exercise class, gym session, walk or run in nature, doing the housework, gardening, playing with the kids. Whatever your movement of choice! Regular movement or exercise supports our mental resilience by releasing mood boosting endorphins into our bodies and using up any adrenaline and anxious energy. Movement also gets our blood flowing well around our bodies and nourishes the brain. This makes it easier to manage stress and helps us to bounce back from difficulties.

Your challenge for today is to MOVE, in whatever way you want. Just a few minutes a day can help to build your mental muscle!

Tip #5 – Get grateful

There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, even when life feels hard and uncomfortable or is just not going as planned! Are you working in a job that you hate? Focus on how it pays your bills, buys your food, or how you like that one co-worker you have a laugh with. Frustrated with feeling unwell or living with a difficult health condition? Focus on what your body can do and love it for that. Money worries and Christmas coming up? Focus on loving the money that comes in, thank it for showing up. Focusing on what we are grateful for can improve our emotional well-being and shifts our focus from what’s wrong to what’s going right in our lives.

Today’s task is to reflect or write down three things that you are thankful for – really feel into that feeling of gratitude and see how it changes how you feel.

 Tip #6 – Feed your body with good nutrition

When we are eating nutritious food, we feel better. We feel stronger emotionally and physically, we are less tired, and we have more balanced moods. Yet, if you are like me, this can be a constant struggle. A struggle to know what to make, to find the time to shop for it, afford it, prepare it and enjoy it. There are many ways to make this process easier – meal prep services, bulk cooking, following nutritionists on social media and using their recipes, buying frozen veg etc. One of the biggest changes we need to make though, is to change how we think about it! Eating nutritious food needs to make it to your ‘must list’, you need to make it a priority. We also need to switch our thoughts to focus on how eating nutritious food nourishes our body and makes us feel good. Do it to feel good, not because its in this list of tips!

So, your task for today is to plan and prepare a lovely nutritious meal for tonight… mmmm! Enjoy!

Tip #7 – Become mindful

Find yourself worrying about something happening next week, month or year? Or perhaps your finding life a total distraction? Maybe you are currently eating lunch whilst writing emails, reading this and doing other admin tasks? These amazing, busy brains of ours mean we are often focusing our attention on the past, future, distant worries and anxieties… just anywhere that isn’t the current moment. Learning to become more mindful and staying in the present moment can help us to stay grounded, reducing stress and increasing our self-awareness.

Today’s task is to notice when you start to feel overwhelmed, to stop, to take a few deep breaths and bring your attention to the now. Let go of those past regrets, future worries and thoughts, they are just busy bees buzzing around, they don’t need your attention.

Tip #8 – Call out your negative ‘Nelly’

Go on, catch them and call them out! Mine is called Janine (sorry to anyone called Janine…in my defence I was thinking of the AMAZING actress in Eastenders in her mean days!). When I catch myself heading down to negative, bullying, you-are-not-good-enough town I stop and say, ‘No thanks Janine, not helpful’ and say something nice to myself instead. So, it might be that in my head I am shouting at myself for forgetting the kids have yet another school event they need money for. I’m saying something like ‘come on, how can you forget they need money and fancy dress today, everyone will laugh at them! You are such a bad mam, focusing on silly work problems instead of what the kids need, thinking you can be good at both work and at being a mam’ etc. I would get on in there at the beginning of the rant and interrupt myself and say ‘Stop Janine! Not helpful! Its ok, the kids won’t care or if they do, I will give them a cuddle when they get home and tell them I’m sorry but I am human too. I am a good mum because I care so much about this’.

So today’s task.. you’ve guessed it! Catch out your negative voice, give them a name and call them out!

Tip #9 – Say No!

Learning to say no to things we don’t like or don’t want to do is such a skill, particularly in those who do it well, like in a nice way. Establishing boundaries is really important for our mental resilience. Not only does it tell our brain we matter but it also protects us from overcommitting ourselves and becoming burnt out and stressed. When we say no to things we don’t want to do, we are prioritising our mental and physical health, which gives us the energy and focus to build and maintain resilience. And no, it’s not selfish – we can’t look after others if we are burnt out and stressed, so we need to learn to say no first!

Today’s challenge is to say no to something you don’t want to do, something that you would usually say yes to so that you kept the peace or didn’t hurt someone’s feelings. Remember, do it in a nice way though – this isn’t about hurting anyone, it’s about being true to our needs.

Tip #10 – Create a meditation habit that works for you

Meditation is great for us humans! It helps us to slow down, switches on our parasympathetic nervous system and enables us to move into rest and digest. Yet, many of us avoid it as it’s yet another skill that takes time and effort to master! Those busy brains of ours (yes, those again), wander off and cause trouble while we are trying to focus on our breathing or on a voice on a recording. My biggest tip is to focus on what works for you here! So, if you are calmest at bedtime, listen to a meditation track or focus on your breathing in those calm moments. If you are a morning person, wake up 5 minutes earlier and meditate in bed, or with your morning cup of tea in the garden. If you are more of a mover, start by walking and focusing on your breathing while looking at nature, or sit by the sea and breathe in-time to the waves. Find a way which works for you… don’t just decide you are ‘not good at meditating’ and never try.

So, today’s challenge is to try at least 2 different ways to meditate and see if either work for you. If they don’t work, pick something else and keep on trying!

Tip #11 – Love yourself with self-care

Just like learning to say no, loving ourselves with self-care tells our brains that we are loved, we are lovable and that we matter. This is really important for our mental resilience as it helps us to feel good and to bounce back from life difficulties. Self-care varies for each of us, but we want to be thinking about things which feel good. So, it might be things like having a nice bath, listening to music, reading whilst all snuggled up, playing a sport, taking a cold-water plunge, having a relaxing skin care regime, stroking a pet etc. Its useful to have a nice list of things that make you feel good so you can pick and choose depending on how much time you have, where you are and what you are doing.

Your task for today is to make a list of at least 10 things which make your feel good, your self-care list.. then pick one and do it today!

Tip #12-  Get some support

As humans we often need some sort of connection with those around us. Whether that’s friends, family, co-workers, animals, local groups we are involved in or the regular dog walkers you see every day. Building these connections gives us emotional security and a sense of belonging. When we are under stress, these relationships can mean everything! Our connections can offer encouragement, understanding, different perspectives and some much-needed comfort. It’s important to reach out to our connections for help or to share our struggles. This not only strengthens our relationships but also helps to build our resilience.

Today’s challenge is to share something with someone in your world or to reach out and make a connection. The choice is yours!

Tip #13 – Tune into your emotions

How many of us are really aware of our emotions? Who doesn’t really pay attention to them until they get overwhelmed and snap? Part of mental resilience is being able to recognise and manage our emotions. So, tuning into those moments when we feel stressed, or anxious, or angry, or sad. And then taking a moment to identify what we are feeling, where in the body we are feeling it and why. Nice ways to tune in are things like deep breathing, journaling, or talking things out with someone you trust. This can help us to process our emotions in a healthy, constructive way. When we do this, it not only stops us from becoming overwhelmed it also increases our mental resilience at the same time!

Your task for today is to tune into how you are feeling 3 times during the day. I want you to really focus on what you are feeling, where you are feeling it and why you are feeling it. Write about it or just reflect on it, whatever feels best for you.

Tip #14 – Focus on your goals

Our final tip is to focus on setting yourself achievable or realistic goals. As humans, we need direction and a sense of purpose to keep us focused and feeling mentally strong. A mind without goals tends to wander off into negative, bullying, you-are-not-good-enough town or catastrophising alley. It helps to break down large goals into smaller, manageable tasks which we can celebrate along the way. This stops us from feeling overwhelmed and helps us to stay on course, to stay motivated, and to keep going when life throws us a bit of a curve ball.

The final task of this series is to focus on one goal you have for your life and to break it down into manageable steps. Keep them small and so you can tick them off, so think about how you will know when you have done it. Enjoy and good luck!